1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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