We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
