I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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