i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize