roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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