I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
