i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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