the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
