I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
