Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
