Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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