Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Randomize
