Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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