Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
