mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
