Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize