well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Never underestimate the power of titties
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
