She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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