The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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