something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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