My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
