ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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