Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
