Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
