Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
