I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
