I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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