I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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