yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
