My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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