I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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