soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
