TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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