We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
