so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
