Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
