Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
