shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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