so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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