wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm too high and old for this...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
