It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
40s are totally the cure
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
