i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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