It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
