I must be too annoying 4 u.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Pappa wants mamma naked
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
