I think my vagina is haunted
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
