I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
