I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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