I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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