I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize