Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
