I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
