there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
