Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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