I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
