WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
