Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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