that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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