Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
