Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
