And the cops told us we were all naked.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
