Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
