yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
