I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The air was thick with penises
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
