mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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