see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
