Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
