i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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