My cat gives me a boner
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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