I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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