My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
