smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize