so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
